Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
