Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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