my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
