I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
