When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The best revenge is premature balding
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
