She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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