We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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