thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
