What did we do last night that was yellow?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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