shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
