I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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