So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if only i could text you this smell
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
