Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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