Will you blow on my dice?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
sarcasm needs its own font
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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