I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
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