I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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