If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
