I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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