Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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