maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
