and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
