I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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