Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
