On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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