I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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