so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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