Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
