Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
