We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
