Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
