My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
