I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
