I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
