I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
