and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
