I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
