What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
