You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
