it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
