watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
