I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
