her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
