I hope mine doesn't look like that
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
