before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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