ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
