he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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