I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
