New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
