Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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