I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
