he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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