I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
