oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
