it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
