I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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