she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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