just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
