Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
