Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
