Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
