can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
