What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize