Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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