If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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