I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
