just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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