I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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