You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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