ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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