Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
