Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
